Let’s Get Awkward By: Amber Hargett & Shari Cooper

Hello, Friends!

I’m Amber Hargett, recently appointed Public Relations Manager for GESMV. Recently, I achieved a milestone: completing my first 100 days with Goodwill! In that brief amount of time, I have learned SO much – especially from our blogger-in-chief, Shari.

Shari’s passion for building awareness in the community is infectious. A powerful advocate, she provides valuable insights into the challenges and opportunities facing individuals with disabilities.

Reading Shari’s blogs helps increase my sensitivity on this subject and inspires me to approach everyone I encounter with more grace. One thing she has emphasized is: not all disabilities are visible to the average observer. In addition, individuals with disabilities have a wide range of opinions about how they wish to be addressed, whether their disability is acknowledged, and/or how it is described.

As a result, it can be uncomfortable for a person without a disability (like me), to know the best way to approach, refer to, or interact with someone facing those challenges for fear of being unintentionally insensitive. Thankfully, Shari’s openness and humor have made it easier for me to get the courage to ask some, well? Awkward questions. Here are a few I sent her way:

Ok, Amber, here we go!

What should I do if I say or do something that unintentionally offends? Say, I’m sorry. It’s just as simple as that.

When is it appropriate (if ever) to ask you about the nature of your disability or experience? I think it’s appropriate to ask about the nature of a disability when you’re cool with a person whom you’ve known for a while like a friend, family member or someone you’re interested in dating. I can also say, it’s cool to asked if it’s a life-or-death situation such as someone having a severe food allergy or accessibility barrier.

How does it make you feel when someone says they admire you or find you inspiring for doing the same things everyone does? I prefer the word “motivating”. I’m just doing what I must do because my disability is part of life. I don’t particularly like the word inspiring.

In your previous blog “People First Language”, you expressed your disapproval of using the word “handicapped” when referring to people with a disability. Can you help folks who may have grown up with the term understand why it should go away? What should they use instead? The word “handicapped” makes me feel as if I cannot do anything which is not true. I may not do something the same way as a person without a disability but, I get things done the “Shari Way”. I want people to remember that. I will always prefer that people refer to me as a person with a disability because it gives me the respect of being seen as a person first.

What is the weirdest thing a well-meaning person has said or done when meeting you for the first time? Once a girl scout asked me, “How do you sleep?” I told her, “I close my eyes!” 😊

What’s the most annoying thing people commonly do when interacting with you? I get really annoyed when someone asks the person sitting beside me a question about me. I also don’t like it when people talk loudly to me because they assume I cannot hear, or when someone rubs my shoulder or touches my hair. I am not a pet! I also wish strangers would please quit telling me about the time they “broke their leg and couldn’t walk” or ask me if “I want to race” them in my wheelchair.

You have shared that your favorite guy does not have a disability. In the early part of your relationship, did you ever have any awkward moments to get past? How were you able to get through it with love/humor/grace? My favorite guy had to learn my speech patterns when we first met. Now, he understands everything I say even when he doesn’t want to. We also had to deal with people’s attitudinal barriers. Some people just don’t know how to look away. But I’m very good at staring back which makes the “stare-er” very uncomfortable. 😊

What sorts of things do you appreciate about the way someone greets you for the first time in a positive way? I love it when people just act normal when they meet me. Extend their hand and follow my lead.

When do you feel most seen/heard/appreciated by someone who does not live with a disability? I feel most seen/heard/and appreciated by my family. To them I’m just their little sister. I also feel that way at my job, thanks to my co-workers, at church, when I’m with my favorite guy, friends and connecting with my disability network.

What are some resources for people who want to learn how to do better when interacting with a person with disabilities? Your blog, websites, Facebook groups?

To learn more about people with disabilities, hang out with people with disabilities. Be intentional. You can also look up topics of disabilities on social media websites. And, of course, read my blog posts Make Things Happen on the gesmv.org website.

Thank you for taking the time to answer my awkward questions! I know that these responses are unique to your personal perspective. How can we encourage others to join our awkward conversation? The only real way to learn about people with disabilities is to have awkward conversations. So? Have them.

I’d like to thank Amber for these questions to learn more about disability awareness. Remember, I’m just one (cool) person with a disability. My responses are my own. I welcome others to share for the more we know, the more we grow.