November 3rd marked a year since my precious mom, Erma, passed away. When she first left this world, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Grief is real. I was an emotional mess. The sadness of losing my mom was overwhelming. I literally felt as if my heart had broken into pieces.
Along with my sadness, I was also mad. I could hear Mom saying, “Only dogs get mad!”, but I reached the point where everything and everyone was getting on my last nerve. Mom was at the golden age of 92, and her health was failing her, but I didn’t want her to go. I thought she would live forever because, to me, she was superwoman.
As I sat with my grief, I began to remember all the things Mom taught me – which was a lot. Fifty-one years of stuff, to be exact. Some of her wisdom included:
- Encouraging me to try and do as much as I could for myself, but not to the point that it was going to cause me harm.
- Reminding me that if something was too hard for me to do, all I had to do was call home and she would send one of the “Super Coopers” (my siblings) to help me. She was right about this. To this day, as soon as I call them up, my family is on the way.
- Helping me understand that not everyone is nice, and how to be proud of myself. Mom made it plain that I didn’t have to go out of my way to convince people to like or love me, because if they didn’t, it was their
- Demonstrating how to maintain strong faith when it feels like there’s nothing else, and trusting that through many trials and tribulations, it will help see you through.
Mom, like many parents of children with disabilities, made it her main missions in the world to make sure her child was happy, safe, and had a prosperous life. Mom was my first advocate. She went to bat with biggest and baddest to ensure my rights as a person with a disability were being upheld. Watching her taught me how to advocate for myself.
Today, I’m at the point in my grief where I know I’ll always grieve for my mother and I’m ok with that. Mom was my constant source of unconditional love. Sometimes I can smile and not break down when I think, talk, or write about her. I still have moments of sadness, but I give myself grace, because few things compare to the pain of losing your mom.
My mother was a spirited woman that exuded happiness. She loved music and dancing. There will never be another one like her, and I will always hold her close in my heart, where only she can continue to guide me.
Recently, as I looked through pictures of me and my mom, I noticed how often she is holding my hand. You might call that a coincidence, but for me, it’s a reminder that no matter what I go through, she’s always watching over me and holding my hand.
For those of you dealing with grief, give yourself some grace. It’s a hard process to endure. My hope is that one day, you’ll reach a point when you can smile when you remember the ones you’ve lost. I also hope you’ll keep living the best life you can, since that is what your loved ones would want you to do.
Mom, I’m doing ok. I miss you more than words could ever say, but the teachings you instilled in me prepared me to deal with life. I so thank you for that. My biggest hope is that I’m carrying on the inner light you passed to me, and that you’re looking down on me proudly. As long as I know you’re holding my hand, I’ll keep pushing. Keep resting. I love you.
Shari, this is such a beautiful tribute to your mother. Her legacy lives on in you and your siblings–you sure do her proud!
This is lovely, Shari. I’m certain your mom is proud of you and always has been.
What a beautiful expression of how much your mother shaped and impacted your you. What a legacy of strength and love. You described your journey this past year with such authenticity of grief and grace and honored your mother with your words. I’m sure she is still holding your hand.
Shari, I was just thinking about you and your wonderful mom the other day. I’m sorry to hear she has passed and want to echo that she raised an incredible woman in you! There is no timetable to grief, only trying to get past some of the pain in time. Thank you for sharing her legacy.
You are living her legacy and carrying on as she watches and smiles from heaven.
Thank you for being willing to share such deep, personal thoughts.
We love you and we loved and miss Erma!
What a wonderful tribute, Shari! You have such a genuine and loving spirit. One can only imagine how truly amazing your mother was, even with all the beautiful words attached. Thank you for honoring her. I’m sure she is pleased. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family especially during this Holiday season.
Shari, I remember talking with your mom about advocating for you when all of the resources that we have today, were not available. She was a pioneer for parents like me who benefitted from her advocacy efforts. I learned lessons from her on how to advocate for my beautiful daughter Dorothy. She was a strong woman and she was very proud of you. She would sit in the DD Council meetings with you with a look on pride on her face. She had a wonderful smile. I lost my mother when I was 16 years old. I still grieve for her today. No other human will ever love you like a mother. You will always feel that void. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t live a happy life. She taught you valuable lessons that most mothers who don’t have a daughter with a disability has to teach. I started early building Dorothy’s confidence up because I realized, like your mother, that people can be mean sometimes. Your mother’s legacy is your success. She loved you to the bottom of her soul.
Shari,
You have written a great reflection in tribute to your mom. The 1st year of grief can be the toughest. I related to having a similar deep relationship with my mom. It took several years before I could stop resenting the advertisements leading up to Mother’s Day. I suppose I particularly enjoyed spending that day with my mom. I appreciate you sharing your experience, it shows your strength and many personality characteristics that were developed because of the loving support of your mother.
Shari, as always, your writing is poignant and lasting. Your beautiful illustration of your relationship with your mother is a testament to all she deposited in you. It shines in your personality and your approach to life. Now your Mom can watch you constantly, carrying forward her beauty with grace and virtue, I hope that I can leave my children as confident and competent as you are. You have your dear mother to thank. I thank you for leaving your impression on me. Love and admire you always.
All,
Thank you for all the kind words regarding my precious mother. I so appreciate your love and support.
Your mother was a beautiful soul and will always be remembered as so!😍